Friday, December 10, 2010

God Damn Snow!!!

Well, this day next week I start chemo and I've decided to shave my hair off before it falls out so we've organised a sponsored head shave on New Years day!! My aunt is shaving her hair too ( I told her she's nuts!!!) and my husband, dad and a few others.  We've organised Karaoke and a couple of bands and we're going to have a raffle and everything!! Should be a good laugh!
Going wig shopping next thursday so hopefully I'll get a nice wig for myself! Am planning on getting a few cheaper ones from ebay too just for a change as I usually dye my hair a different colour every couple of months anyway!!
Feeling down in the dumps today from being stuck inside the house for so long with this bloody weather......... its impossible to walk anywhere because the footpaths are so bloody slippy!! I hope to god that it all melts away soon or I'll lose the head altogether!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

21 days post op!!

Well, its now 3 weeks since my surgery! I'm doing well, not in an awful lot of pain and doing most things I could do before.  Still not able to pick up my little man but it won't be much longer now!! Can't lift my arm much higher than my shoulder but I'm getting better by the day!
Went back up to hospital last week to get the fluid drained from my back............ uuuugh!!!! It wasn't painful but horrible all the same!
Was back up again yesterday to see my oncologist (not sure if I spelled that right!) and I've to get 4 rounds of chemo, once every 3 weeks so I'm starting in 3 weeks, yes thats right, 1 week before christmas :-(  so she said that my hair will be starting to come out around then which I'm really not looking forward to so I've decided to do a sponsored shave a day or two before new years eve.  My aunt is going to get hers shaved too and my husband and dad have offered their services as well. My aunt has arranged karaoke for free and a couple of the local bands have offered to play too so it should be a good night! Still trying to decide exactly who to give the money to though!!
I want to get some photos of the four of us before my hair is gone because god knows when it'll grow back!  Decided to tell my almost 5 year old that my hair was going to be falling out and he got very upset........ he's just like me though, he's able to deal with things if you explain it to him so he's told me that he would prefer me to wear a wig than a scarf but he'll help me pick them out!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I'm back

Well I'm still alive!!! Its now just over a week since my operation and I'm doing well!! Have a build up of fluid in my back that looks awful and makes me look a bit like the hunchback of notre dame but at least I'm alive!!!
We arrived up at the hospital about 7.10am on Friday 5th November.  My doctor came in and drew on me with a marker and explained that the operation would be at least 5 hours or so...... the first stage where they would have me flat on my back and remove the breast tissue, then they would turn me sideways and take the muscle from my back, then sit me up so they could see how the other breast lies and match it as close as possible.  I went down to theatre about quarter to 9 and wasn't brought back to the ward til about half 4 or so!! My doctor had phoned the hubby about 2pm to tell him that it went well and I was just coming around.
Was doped up on morphine and had a pump on my wrist which was great! Looked like crap though and got himself to take a photo to remember it by! He said it was the LONGEST day of his life!!!
They took the morphine pump off me on Saturday (maybe I had used too much of it, I don't know!!!!) and I wasn't in an awful amount of pain or anything.  Worst part was (and still is) not being able to stretch or reach for anything!!
By Sunday I was wearing make up again and starting to crack up due to the lack of sleep caused by my octogenerian roomates (nothing against old people, it was just my luck to end up with the moaners, groaners and snorers!!!!).  I had thought I'd be home around Tuesday but there was still too much fliud coming from the 2 drains in my side.  By Wednesday I had started begging to go home where I could be in my own bed and rest as much as I wanted and that I'd come back to get the drains out!  Thursday morning my doctor came around and she said that I could get the smaller drain out and go home, coming back the next day to get the other one out and to get all my results.  That was the best news I had heard in a long long LONG time!!  I had missed my 2 little men sooo much, never been away from them for longer than a night or 2 so it was music to my ears to hear I could go home to them!!
Getting the drain out was disgusting!!!!  The only way I can describe it is to compare it to pulling on a wet garden hose........ this was the one in my newly created swollen to the last right breast.  While the nurse was pulling it out I lay there shuddering to myself and while it didn't hurt me, it felt absolutely disgusting and can only describe it as one of the worst feelings ever!  But, it meant I could go home and that got me through it!
Was really glad to get home to my little men and while the baby gave me huge smiles every time I looked at him, the older pup was more interested in playing my DS than being glad to have his mammy home!
Went back up to the hospital yesterday morning (Friday 12th Nov - 6 weeks to the day I was diagnosed with  breast cancer) and the doctor explained that they had gotten in all out and the tumour was about 34mm in size - the centre of it was 16mm and it spread out from there and was a grade 3.  She also said that they are still going to give me chemo after christmas to doubly make sure that its all gone, she said that because I'm so young I'll be well able to handle it so now I've wig shopping to look forward to!!! I'm thinking of doing a sponsored head shave before my hair falls out on me!!
Since I've been home the fluid has been building up on my back and it looks so horrible and swollen! The scar on my back where they took the muscle out is about 4 inches or so and there's another swollen bit at the end of  it which disgusts me!  But, as my lovely husband says, at least I'm alive and the fluid will be gone in a few days (another hospital trip to get it drained with a huge needle no doubt!!) and I'll have a lovely battle scar!!
So hard to believe that the operation is over and done with! The pain isn't awful or anything, its just frustrating not being able to pick up my little man or even bend down properly!! Can only lift my arm as far as my shoulder and have exercises to do every day to stop my shoulder stiffening up on me!
So I'm back in the land of the living thank god and now its onwards and upwards!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Almost D Day!!!!

Well, tomorrow is the big day and I'm starting to get a bit nervous!!  Have the suitcase almost packed and still debating whether I should bring make up with me as I always wear at least mascara and eyeliner every day and would look 100 times worse if I don't wear any!!!  I think I'll bring a few bits and if I have the energy or movement to put some on fair enough!  Not looking forward to leaving my kids for so long and can't wait to get out of the hospital and back to my family.  I'll be worried sick about my husband being on his own at night with them......... the baby wakes up several times a night and the other little man has bad dreams all the time and talks in his sleep.  I know I should only really be thinking of myself at the minute but I've always been one to worry about others before myself and I don't think thats going to change in the future!
I don't know when I'll be back online but will update you as soon as I'm able to!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

5 more days!

Well, I got a phone call yesterday and my surgery has been pushed back to Friday 5th November.  Am kinda annoyed as I was all geared up for it but I suppose its ok, gives us more time to sort out the 'babysitting' rota for when I come home!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010


Well, I got my results back this morning of the sentinel node biopsy when I went up to see my doctor.  She was smiling when she called us in so we were delighted to hear that the results were all clear.  So no radiation for the minute (they're still discussing chemo later) but I'm going in for my mastectomy and reconstruction on November 1st.  They're going to take a muscle from my back and put it round the front.  Not looking forward to the pain but looking forward to going asleep with 2 boobs and waking up with 2!!!!!  Won't be able to hold my little man til Christmas but it'll all be worth it!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Smurf for a Day

Well, another day spent in hosptial....
Friday 15th October I had my sentinel node biopsy.  Got to the hospital about 9.30am and spent about 45 mins talking through paperwork with a doctor and getting blood taken.  Upstairs then to be injected with radio active stuff again and then a 40 minute wait to get scans taken so they can pinpoint the location of the glands.
My bed in the ward is ready at this stage so we wait a couple of hours to be called for surgery.  My doctor calls in on me to see how I am and tells me she'll see me in surgery (She might have seen me but I didn't see her cos I was unconscious!!).  Go up to theatre about 1pm, get that awful drip in my hand (bet it won't be the last one either!!) and last I remember on the clock is 1.15pm. Wake up about 2.45pm and am brought back down to the ward about half an hour later.  I see my husband sitting outside the wards and being all doped up, say to the nurse "there's my husband!" and I wave over to him and say "i'm still alive!".  He comes in to make sure I'm ok and then the nurse runs him to let me get some sleep.  About 20 minutes later I'm lying there half doped up looking at Sky News when I realise that I'm itchy.  I look at my wrist and there's a huge hive type thing on it.  Looking at my other arm I see the same thing and on my shoulders too.  I call the nurse and at first they look at me arm and say its from the blood pressure machine (???) but then they look at my shoulders and realise that I'm covered in hive type things and huge blue patches.  They tell me they'll get someone down to look at me and I lie there panicking for half an hour til my doctor comes in.  She asks me how I am and I reply "Itchy!" Mainly because I thought it was her that the nurses had called, but they hadn't!  She had a quick look at me then called the nurse in and an anaesthesist was down checking me out 2 minutes later.
He ran through everything that I'd been given and the blue dye was the only thing I'd never had before.  I had agreed to take part in a trial for the hospital you see and was given a blue dye as they're looking for an alternative to the radio active stuff for finding the gland.
But, typical me, had an allergic reaction to it and the rash spread all down my body.  I looked a bit like smurfette!!  They had also told me that if I got the dye I'd have blue wee, which was kinda cool!!
They gave me an injection in my shoulder to flush out the dye and at this stage my husband came in.  He hadn't been told anything until my doctor stopped on her way out and told him what was happening so he was a bit pissed off that he wasn't told about my reaction.  An hour or so later most of the rash had gone so they gave me some toast and told me I could go home.  It was almost 6pm at this stage and we were both wrecked!
We took a detour to my favourite chinese on the way home for a takeaway and I ate it in bed when I came home, seeing as I couldn't go near my 2 little men!!
Had blue wee for 24 hours or so, it was like having a blue loo on tap!!
Back up on Friday for the results and to discuss whats happening next!
Watch this space!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Just got a phone call from my nurse........... liver scan and chest x-ray's are clear so thats something!!!
Getting nervous about tomorrow now, more nervous about getting the drip in my hand than the actual operation!!! Won't sleep a wink tonight!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

2 Weeks Later

Well, this day 2 weeks ago I was having a biopsy and mammogram done, today I'm cool, calm and ready for battle.
Last week I had to have loads of tests done, a liver scan, chest x ray and a bone scan.  All painless thank god!!  The bone scan was so relaxing that i actually fell asleep!  I had to be injected with radio active stuff and go off for a couple of hours to let it spread around my body.  My lovely husband brought me to an Italian restaurant for lunch while we were waiting and the 2 hours were up before we knew it.  Went back to the hospital and lay down in a machine which would be able to detect the radioactive material in my body.  It took 33 minutes for the machine to pass over my body and seeing as I hadn't slept a wink the night before with the nerves, I had a little snooze on the table!
The worst part was not being able to go near my kids when I got home.  I had been advised to stay away from them for 24 hours so I had to sleep in the spare room and it was horrible not being able to kiss them goodnight or goodbye the next morning so I had to make up for it big time the next evening!
So, the lovely nurse phoned me the next day to tell me that the bone scan was clear but there was a sign of trauma in my left knee which is probably the start of arthritis.  Kinda knew it was something like that as I've had nothing but problems with my knee over the years and have had to give up countless sports because of it.  And the doctors and specialists telling me there was nothing wrong with it...... Liars!!!
Back up to the hospital on Friday to be injected with a blue dye to see if the glands in my armpit are affected and then we'll know exactly what the battle plan is!!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Worst Day Ever

2010 has been a huge year for me, full of ups and downs........... had a baby, got married, turned 30 and found out I've got cancer, yup!!!  So, yesterday I found out that I've got breast cancer.  Don't know how bad yet but thats what I've got.  Kinda knew it was coming but shocked all the same.
Will backtrack a bit to fill in the gaps....
Had a baby in January and breastfed for about 5 weeks.  Found a lump in my right breast around May and went to the doctor to get it checked out.  Was sent to the hospital for an appointment and from that I had to get an ultrasound.  Had to wait a couple of months to get the ultrasound done between work and stuff and went on Wednesday 29th September to get it done.  While having the ultrasound the doctor said that I'd have to come up in about 10 days for results.  Then she said that she had spotted something and that I was to have a mammogram and biopsy.  Had those done and she had the sample brought up to the lab before I had even gotten up off the table so I kinda thought there was something wrong.  While I was getting dressed the doctor came in and told me she wanted me up 2 days later for the results of the biopsy and that I was to bring somebody with me..........  *****Alarm Bells!!******
Went to work on the Thursday, mainly to keep myself distracted.
I won't forget Friday 1st October in a hurry anyway!!
My husband came to the hospital with me yesterday morning for the results and in the back of both our minds I think we knew what was coming.  I have to have bone scans and stuff done in a few days to determine exactly how bad it all is but I'm looking at a mastectomy in about 3 weeks time and after that I just don't know.  Decided to start this blog as a way to keep track of it all, for myself if not anyone else!!