Friday, January 14, 2011

Meet me Halfway!

Well, I'm now half way through my chemotherapy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!! I know its probably different for everybody but damn its been hard!!! You kinda feel like you're drunk for a week after, its really hard to do anything that involves getting off the sofa and actually moving!! Your head feels funny, your eyes can't see straight, you have zero energy and basically feel like crap!!! Oh and don't forget about having zero taste buds!!! The only things I could taste were Romantica, Chocolate Kimberleys and cans of Coke!! I haven't felt overly queasy or anything but have the tablets to take if I need them. You have to get an injection 24 hours after chemo and it gave me awful bone pains both times so far. Its very hard though as with the 2 boys I need my mother to come down and mind the 3 of us for a week after!!  I was just about feeling normal on christmas day and thank god my taste had came back so we all had a wonderful dinner cooked by my lovely husband!!  I even had a couple of drinks!

Then on New Years Day we had our sponsored head shave and the turnout was absolutely AMAZING!!!! The pub was overflowing, standing room only!!! There was a photographer there who took loads of pictures that you can see here and there was a write up in this weeks Wicklow Times which was great publicity!!  There was 10 of us who got shaved and a few others got waxed which was great to watch!!!!!!!  We had over 30 spot prizes for the raffle and everybody was just so generous with their hard earned money!! To date we have raised almost €6,000!!! Its still coming in!!  I'm so happy with how it went!!  Everyone kept telling me how well I looked with the shaved head but I had spent over an hour that day doing my make up and wore my false eyelashes and everything!!!!

My hair had actually started coming out a day or two before so when I was straightening it there was clumps falling out onto the floor so we actually couldn't have timed it any better!!  The stubble was coming out all over the place though so my husband got his Gillette Fusion and some foam and shaved it off for me and now I'm as bald as a coot!! I have my wig and have worn it out a couple of times but its actually quite hot so I don't think I'll be wearing it every day, maybe just when I'm going out.  I have a few head scarves too which I like to wear around the house.  I wear a bandana or little hat in bed as the pillow feels like ice on my bare head!!!  So now I've another 2 weeks of feeling semi-normal until round 3 but as long as I live to tell the tale, I'll try not to complain too much!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

God Damn Snow!!!

Well, this day next week I start chemo and I've decided to shave my hair off before it falls out so we've organised a sponsored head shave on New Years day!! My aunt is shaving her hair too ( I told her she's nuts!!!) and my husband, dad and a few others.  We've organised Karaoke and a couple of bands and we're going to have a raffle and everything!! Should be a good laugh!
Going wig shopping next thursday so hopefully I'll get a nice wig for myself! Am planning on getting a few cheaper ones from ebay too just for a change as I usually dye my hair a different colour every couple of months anyway!!
Feeling down in the dumps today from being stuck inside the house for so long with this bloody weather......... its impossible to walk anywhere because the footpaths are so bloody slippy!! I hope to god that it all melts away soon or I'll lose the head altogether!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

21 days post op!!

Well, its now 3 weeks since my surgery! I'm doing well, not in an awful lot of pain and doing most things I could do before.  Still not able to pick up my little man but it won't be much longer now!! Can't lift my arm much higher than my shoulder but I'm getting better by the day!
Went back up to hospital last week to get the fluid drained from my back............ uuuugh!!!! It wasn't painful but horrible all the same!
Was back up again yesterday to see my oncologist (not sure if I spelled that right!) and I've to get 4 rounds of chemo, once every 3 weeks so I'm starting in 3 weeks, yes thats right, 1 week before christmas :-(  so she said that my hair will be starting to come out around then which I'm really not looking forward to so I've decided to do a sponsored shave a day or two before new years eve.  My aunt is going to get hers shaved too and my husband and dad have offered their services as well. My aunt has arranged karaoke for free and a couple of the local bands have offered to play too so it should be a good night! Still trying to decide exactly who to give the money to though!!
I want to get some photos of the four of us before my hair is gone because god knows when it'll grow back!  Decided to tell my almost 5 year old that my hair was going to be falling out and he got very upset........ he's just like me though, he's able to deal with things if you explain it to him so he's told me that he would prefer me to wear a wig than a scarf but he'll help me pick them out!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I'm back

Well I'm still alive!!! Its now just over a week since my operation and I'm doing well!! Have a build up of fluid in my back that looks awful and makes me look a bit like the hunchback of notre dame but at least I'm alive!!!
We arrived up at the hospital about 7.10am on Friday 5th November.  My doctor came in and drew on me with a marker and explained that the operation would be at least 5 hours or so...... the first stage where they would have me flat on my back and remove the breast tissue, then they would turn me sideways and take the muscle from my back, then sit me up so they could see how the other breast lies and match it as close as possible.  I went down to theatre about quarter to 9 and wasn't brought back to the ward til about half 4 or so!! My doctor had phoned the hubby about 2pm to tell him that it went well and I was just coming around.
Was doped up on morphine and had a pump on my wrist which was great! Looked like crap though and got himself to take a photo to remember it by! He said it was the LONGEST day of his life!!!
They took the morphine pump off me on Saturday (maybe I had used too much of it, I don't know!!!!) and I wasn't in an awful amount of pain or anything.  Worst part was (and still is) not being able to stretch or reach for anything!!
By Sunday I was wearing make up again and starting to crack up due to the lack of sleep caused by my octogenerian roomates (nothing against old people, it was just my luck to end up with the moaners, groaners and snorers!!!!).  I had thought I'd be home around Tuesday but there was still too much fliud coming from the 2 drains in my side.  By Wednesday I had started begging to go home where I could be in my own bed and rest as much as I wanted and that I'd come back to get the drains out!  Thursday morning my doctor came around and she said that I could get the smaller drain out and go home, coming back the next day to get the other one out and to get all my results.  That was the best news I had heard in a long long LONG time!!  I had missed my 2 little men sooo much, never been away from them for longer than a night or 2 so it was music to my ears to hear I could go home to them!!
Getting the drain out was disgusting!!!!  The only way I can describe it is to compare it to pulling on a wet garden hose........ this was the one in my newly created swollen to the last right breast.  While the nurse was pulling it out I lay there shuddering to myself and while it didn't hurt me, it felt absolutely disgusting and can only describe it as one of the worst feelings ever!  But, it meant I could go home and that got me through it!
Was really glad to get home to my little men and while the baby gave me huge smiles every time I looked at him, the older pup was more interested in playing my DS than being glad to have his mammy home!
Went back up to the hospital yesterday morning (Friday 12th Nov - 6 weeks to the day I was diagnosed with  breast cancer) and the doctor explained that they had gotten in all out and the tumour was about 34mm in size - the centre of it was 16mm and it spread out from there and was a grade 3.  She also said that they are still going to give me chemo after christmas to doubly make sure that its all gone, she said that because I'm so young I'll be well able to handle it so now I've wig shopping to look forward to!!! I'm thinking of doing a sponsored head shave before my hair falls out on me!!
Since I've been home the fluid has been building up on my back and it looks so horrible and swollen! The scar on my back where they took the muscle out is about 4 inches or so and there's another swollen bit at the end of  it which disgusts me!  But, as my lovely husband says, at least I'm alive and the fluid will be gone in a few days (another hospital trip to get it drained with a huge needle no doubt!!) and I'll have a lovely battle scar!!
So hard to believe that the operation is over and done with! The pain isn't awful or anything, its just frustrating not being able to pick up my little man or even bend down properly!! Can only lift my arm as far as my shoulder and have exercises to do every day to stop my shoulder stiffening up on me!
So I'm back in the land of the living thank god and now its onwards and upwards!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Almost D Day!!!!

Well, tomorrow is the big day and I'm starting to get a bit nervous!!  Have the suitcase almost packed and still debating whether I should bring make up with me as I always wear at least mascara and eyeliner every day and would look 100 times worse if I don't wear any!!!  I think I'll bring a few bits and if I have the energy or movement to put some on fair enough!  Not looking forward to leaving my kids for so long and can't wait to get out of the hospital and back to my family.  I'll be worried sick about my husband being on his own at night with them......... the baby wakes up several times a night and the other little man has bad dreams all the time and talks in his sleep.  I know I should only really be thinking of myself at the minute but I've always been one to worry about others before myself and I don't think thats going to change in the future!
I don't know when I'll be back online but will update you as soon as I'm able to!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

5 more days!

Well, I got a phone call yesterday and my surgery has been pushed back to Friday 5th November.  Am kinda annoyed as I was all geared up for it but I suppose its ok, gives us more time to sort out the 'babysitting' rota for when I come home!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010


Well, I got my results back this morning of the sentinel node biopsy when I went up to see my doctor.  She was smiling when she called us in so we were delighted to hear that the results were all clear.  So no radiation for the minute (they're still discussing chemo later) but I'm going in for my mastectomy and reconstruction on November 1st.  They're going to take a muscle from my back and put it round the front.  Not looking forward to the pain but looking forward to going asleep with 2 boobs and waking up with 2!!!!!  Won't be able to hold my little man til Christmas but it'll all be worth it!!